Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning and P.S. I Love You.

When Disney absorbed Pixar and John Lasseter was made Chief Creative Officer of Walt Disney Animation Studios, his first act was to terminate all of Disney's shitty direct-to-video sequels. A few that were already well into production were granted a reprieve from the ax. The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning was, most unfortunately, one of them.

What exactly is wrong with The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning? Well, the plot is mainly about King Triton banning all music from the kingdom of Atlantica out of grief for his deceased wife. So people have to get together in secret clubs if they want to sing, because if King Triton finds out, he will throw them in ocean jail (not kidding). And him and Ariel get into lots of arguments about whether it's good or bad that things never change and always stay the same. So, I don't know how many kids out there are gonna be able to identify with this story. About a kingdom where they don't allow singing.

Then, all the songs in the movie suck, which kinda works against the whole point of the movie. The shittiness of the songs had me seeing all the plus sides of King Triton's no music policy. There was one song that didn't suck. Sebastian's big number. Sebastian had to have a big number. Something to rival the original movie's "Under the Sea." But the reason Sebastian's big number doesn't suck is because it's not an original song. It's a cover of Harry Belafonte's "Jump in the Line." It's like they had absolute certainty in their lack of songwriting talent. Later in the movie, some characters reprise the song in a sort of acapella rap style. This was not cool.

The villain is some scheming hag named Marina Del Rey, voiced by Sally Field. Sally Field is nice, but this villain isn't even fit to scrub Ursula's arm suckers.

The supporting cast is nothing extraordinary. Sebastian is cool, but Sebastian is always cool. Scuttle is nowhere to be found. And Flounder is frustratingly out of character. I think they were trying to make him funny, but they only succeeded in making him irritating. He never stops spouting modern colloquialisms. The movie is actually full of modern colloquialisms, so that not only is it not timeless, it actually already feels dated in the very year of its release.

Toward the end of the movie, there's a fakeout where King Triton thinks Ariel is dead. In a prequel to The Little Mermaid.

P.S. I Love You is a romantic drama from December 2007 starring Gerard Butler and Hilary Swank. This movie was really good. I don't want to talk too much about it because its surprising plot elements are part of why it's so good. But I will talk about Hilary Swank. She is unbelievable in what could have been a very unremarkable role. She is completely fearless and mesmerizing as the perpetually confused Holly. Gerard Butler is perfect as the seemingly also perfect Gerry. The supporting cast, not unlike The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning, is a little bit irritating and superfluous. Watch this movie for Gerry and Hilary. There is also a lot of gorgeous Irish settings that the characters go to. It has the side effect of making you want to travel. Not just to Ireland, but anywhere. Ariel's Beginning just made me want to not travel under the sea.

I don't know why I was looking forward to seeing Ariel's Beginning. I've been burned in the past by shitty direct-to-video Disney sequels. I vividly remember their first one. 1994's Return of Jafar. I was like eleven. And I was so excited to see it. Then, as I was watching it, I could actually feel my childhood shattering into pieces around me. Return of Jafar was a cheap, awful piece of shit. It was an insult to Aladdin. Since then, I stayed away from all the direct-to-video Disney sequels. Well, except for the two Lion King ones. I had to see those. The Lion King II: Simba's Pride was surprisingly okay. The Lion King 1½... not so much. I guess I just see these movies because I loved the originals. But the originals were only good because that's what they were. Original. I should stop dwelling in the past and be open to new things. P.S. I Love You kinda goes into that.